Sally Kay Miller is the Relationship/Grief Coach at www.raisinghopedaily.com, an Expert and Co-Author in The Change: Insights To Self Empowerment Book Series where her chapter focuses on Getting Hope Back After Losing a child.. Get more expert advice from this author at Conscious Change Co-Authors – 6 Compelling Experts live webinar training ‘6 Paths of Change: Greater Self Empowerment for Every Area of Your Life’.

Healthy greiving is not taught in our schools today! You are left to muddle through it whatever way you can!                                                        

You may or may not use tools that were acquired from your parents. Without a roadmap you are left  to go it on your own, often getting lost along the way or stuck.                                                                                        

Here are four things that usually occur early in an unexpected death of a loved one.

         1. Strong “Denial” this isn’t happening to me, I won’t accept this.                                                                                                                                                               2. The “ Blame Game”  often occurs. You  target whoever is available, often a spouse or significant other. If it is a child you have lost both parents may get involved with this game at different times or at the same time during their grief process.                                                                                                                                                                       3.“What if? Game”   What if this may have happened or that may have happened they wouldn’t be gone. This game is very unproductive. It actually causes even more stress and frustration than you already feel.                                                                                                                     4.“Anger” at  anyone and everyone or the situation. This anger can leak out at home, at work, or even in social situations, further complicating our lives. More marriages than not end in divorce after the loss of a child. Why Me?

Below are a three things, of many, that can make your experience better!                                                                                                                                                1.Seek SUPPORT.  This can be from family and close friends, it could be a Grief Support Group, or a Grief Coach. Letting your feeling’s out is therapeutic. Crying is good for you.  Others want to know how they can help, just letting you vent or being a loving shoulder for you to lien on is very helpful.                                                                                                                                                      2. Take care of your “HEALTH”.  Eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep are so important. Being aware of how important they are and Making  every effort to obtain them. Massage, meditation, prayer (if that fits your faith),  bubble baths, keeping a journal daily and playing soothing music are a few helpful hints.                                                                                    

           3.“Face your Feelings” Often you may try to Avoid your grief, but going through it is more healthy. Letting them out can help to move on. There’s no wrong way to grieve, this is your journey. Cry if you want to, be angry, go through it.  Unresolved grief can cause depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and lead to serious health issues, better to let it out.                                                          

This is a beginning of your journey to a new different life that you can experience without your loved one’s presence , but with them held in your heart.

Some days will be easier than others,  peaks and valleys occur while in grief and no two person’s grief journey is the same. Be very kind and patient with yourself during  this process. Your experience of greiving takes what it takes! Folks close to you often just want you to “just get over it”, unfortunately it just doesn’t work like that. Getting our Hope back is possible over time and with some healthy tools you can establish with support.
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