What Do we say or Do at the times when someone we love has Lost a loved one suddenly to death?


A guide to visiting a funeral home and supporting the grieving after a sudden loss.

When you are in a situation with a loved one that has had the sudden loss of their loved one, you may get nervous. You may have questions of what is appropriate to say or do?

I have experienced this sudden loss of my son and can say from experience that the biggest comfort for me was people caring enough to be there.

Here are eleven things that are  welcomed and appreciated:

  • your time, just being there with them

  •  A donation of food, such as a meat tray, fruit tray , or dessert 

  • words of condolence like “so sorry for your loss”, “I want to be here for you”, “They will be so missed.”

  • Bringing pictures of their loved one 

  • Sending flowers or plants especially are appreciated, that can be taken home

  • Sympathy cards that a personalized with a note or quote

  • Contributing to their  particular charity

  • Sharing a story or memory you have of the loved one in happier times

  • Telling them how their loved one contributed to your  life

  • Dont ask ” How can I belp?” Just take on a task.

  • Check in with them a few days after the funeral. That’s when they may need the support most.


It all means so much. Knowing that their loved ones life mattered to so many. Grief is about saying good bye to our loved one being there with us and Celebrating the Life they lived. So few words are even needed.

Four things you shouldn’t say to the grieving :


  • “I understand” unless you’ve had the exact same loss, even then it may not be appropriate.
  • ” I just lost my uncle or my  pet.” They may care, but now isn’t the time to share other stories of loss.
  • “They’re in a better place” that may or may not be true, but they aren’t ready to here it.
  • “They look so good, so peaceful!” No they are dead! At best they are made up to look presentable. 

Grief is sadness and laughter, emptiness and gratitude for having had them with us for as long as we did.

We were blessed to share our lives with our loved one. So at a time when we lose one you also celebrate your love for those around you and realize how very precious we all are to each other and that we are Hope to each other.
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